I stopped talking today I refuse to remain a prisoner to insecurity
you suck up all my energy rather positively or negatively and then run around telling everybody I am crazy
struggling to raise our kids, help you with your vision while balled up in the fetal position as an act of submission.
every word that comes out of your mouth is a request no a demand at the hand of the masters feet is the higher place of worship
but this marriage is feeling more like a curse than the blessing from heaven that would keep me from stressin.
I don't worry about being kicked out on the streets or my kids not having enough to eat
instead
I beg for you to understand the partnership and growth that is taking place in me.
Preferring you over me is leaving me lonely and the only thing I have is text message dances with strangers no longer caring about the danger of loosing my sanity.
In this land that is not free you cannot see that the prize at the end of your day is me,
instead you choose to milk me dry and can't even rub my feet knee deep in the trap that you laid so effectively.
the game you played so successfully
and I am left to pick up the pieces of yet another one of your messes
respect and ego stroking is too much work for me and I certainly don't want to do it when you cannot even have sex with me quit neglecting me this isn't a joke you betta wake up and see that your perfect little life is slowly crumbling.
However humbling this may be the words that flow out of me
may sting
but imagine how many times I never shared these things and how much it stung me
the resentment that has built up over years of surrendering my power to you and thinking that I was doing the right thing
these words are my truth I a no longer look at you as my Boaz and me your Ruth
but
the truth of the matter is I see this as a sinking business
and
we
need a bail out like fanny mae with the quickness this is the realness
because today i stopped talking and you didn't even notice.
so where is your focus
is this joke really
on me i believed for better or worse
that we would stand victoriously but the whorish nature in me is fighting to gain control of me and you don't even see.
You have an obligation and martyrdom is a bad use of good energy the build up of frustration is so high that my walls are taller then the empire state so you need to quit playing the victim and get with the program.
I am not your maid, maytag or doormat, that the lady in the living room freak in the bedroom is reserved for the real one who understands its not about strawberries and champagne that is about unity praying over our babies laboring in the spirit as the Man God has called you to be and the word said that if you didn't do this guess what....
ever wander why your prayers are hindered
love language is not heard because you failed to listen
for me to be on is okay as long as your the recipient its no longer you giving it to me but me beggin for the business and I aint no ugly chick
I pray for you daily, lay hands on our babies, cooking fried chicken and biscuits while fixing the broken fixtures taking out the trash mowing the lawn wait can you lift this big chair
all you do is make the bacon, weak decisions and subliminal nonsense and you honestly think that gives you an excuse or a right to skate through your responsibilities
like something is owed to thee get real baby and believe that if you loose me that I am a dying breed sistahs are getting stronger and no longer depending on brothers to tend to their needs.
we are walking tall and strong bouncing back from adversity triumphing over generational curses and still giving God all the honor and glory
I emplore you to open your ears and hear me because its not when a woman is nagging when you should worry its when she STOPS talking you should listen because the girl your met disappeared along time ago and you didn't even realize she was missing......
